Friday night was the perfect ending to what had been a long wait to an extremely anticipated film. We had planned the night perfectly. 5 of us dressed up as Borat to attend an advanced screening of Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. Lemon has reviewed the film, but the following are memorable moments of us on the night:
Lemon purchased 5 wigs. Problem was the hair was way too long and required significant cutting and grooming to achieve the Borat look. Because Lemon had cut his own hair since he was like 3, I thought that he’d have mad hair cutting game. Not so. Shaving head experience does not equal hairdressing skills! In all fairness, the two cuts he did first (coincidentally his and mine) came out quite well (i.e. they looked like Borat’s hair). However, you will note in the group photo that his hack jobs made Benson look like a game show host or a news anchor man -think Ron Burgundy, Tommo looked like a young Albert Einstein with long straggly bits stickling straight up in the air, and Jewgene (AKA Eugene, who is half gypsy and half Jew), looked like a scouser from Liverpool. Others also thought Jewgene looked like Huey Lewis. For some strange reason Benson’s wig kept slipping gradually, forward throughout the night until he had practically no forehead. This made him look even more ridiculously like Ron Burgundy. (In my own defense the scissors on hand were rubbish! – Lemon).
We had to wait at least an hour and a half in this huge line before the movie. This could have been a downer but we absolutely dominated the line and kept everyone within earshot entertained with our Boratisms the whole time. We were the perfect entrée to the film! The funny thing was that with the crowd laughing at every Borat line we busted out we had absolute power over anyone that walked past the huge line! We were a militant ‘senses of humour’ regime who dealt out regular punishments to anyone and everyone. For example:
- Some kid started pointing and laughing at us and Lemon yells back (think Borat accents for everything we say) “why do you dress like a giiiiirrl”. Whole crowd laughed at dude.
- Tall as dude walks past, Randolph:“You are a very big, I like, can I touch?”
- Dude wearing a long trench coat strolls past, Randolph: “In my country we like Matrix film very much”. Whole crowd bursts into laughter.
The media, or meedja as we referred to them, liked our performance so much that the Nightline camera crew came up and interviewed us as Borat. They were so satisfied that they only took one take too. However, they can’t have been that satisfied as they didn’t use it. Instead they used a clip of a drive by of the line. Please watch the video film, you will like. At the beginning of the line you can see and hear us going nuts. The funniest bit is right after the narrator stops talking near the end of the shot. If you listen carefully you can hear me yelling out in a Borat voice “I like Sex!!” which was the most perfectly inappropriate line from a Borat episode (he yells it out to a baseball crowd right after he sings the Kazakhstan national anthem). Someone at Nightline was having a laugh whilst editing the clip because they obviously left it in there on purpose.
(This is video off my computer screen coz the TV3 site was blocking away my attempts at grabbing the video file. You can see the original clip here, check about 2:42 into the segment – Lemon). (EDIT: raw footage of us in the line for the movie is now here!)
After the TV3 interview a lady from Fox Movies approached us and introduced herself. Despite the important person who was talking to us, saying “Hi I work for Fox television” I didn’t stop being Borat for one second! “Jagshmesh, I like Fox’s, I work for Fox’s, I like you, do you like me?” I said. “Yes very much,” she replied, “So much that I want you guys to work with Fox at the official openings of the movies”. We were so stoked, however I wasn’t even really that surprised. It just seemed so right for this to happen because we were such massive Borat fans and knew every Borat line so well, that we were Borat! I had honestly imagined this actually happening before the night too which was strange. So anyway, I’m meeting with Fox and C4 next week to discuss Borat appearances. My dream of being a professional celebrity impersonator is now under way.
Even after non stop laughter waiting in line for so long, the actual movie was absolutely ridiculously funny. We all literally died of laughter, literally. Some scenes were so funny that it actually hurt. Pure comic brilliance.
After the movie, whilst walking through the city, people constantly rocked up and started Borat dialogue and asked to be in photos with them.
One killer thing was that that the triple sided sellotape that held our mo’s on sucked goat balls, it really did. Our mo’s were falling off all night so we just had to keep reapplying more triple sided tape practically every 10 minutes. Lemon had a special no smiling or laughing method that he used to keep his mo from not losing its stick. He is from the future. Marty used a cricket term that was quickly used by everyone to describe whether someone had rejoined their mo to their face in a symmetrical fashion. As you put your mo back on (after new tape) you’d ask someone “Have I middled it?”
Jewgene heard Mikey Havoc giving a review of the Borat movie on BF and M this morning. He mentioned us, something like “heaps of people dressed up as Borat, but they were rubbish because by the end of the night their mo’s fell off!” Yeah, well screw you Havoc, there were only 5 Borat’s and you try keeping a sweaty mo on with budget triple sided tape! He also said that they (we) only dressed up to get in for free. EVERYONE got in for free, Havoc, including you! “You are big fat!”
(EDIT: We have conflicting reports that Havoc was in fact not being negative towards Borats! If so, Borats humbly retract the “big fat” call and wonder if they could touch Havoc’s krahm.)
(EDIT 2: After much discussion Jewgene is adamant that Havoc was doing the dirt on us on the air. In Jewgene’s words: “Maybe he was not being negative but I don’t agree with the following statements: A) There was a lot of people dressed up like Borat. Fuck you! You fat fuck there were only five! B) The Look did not do it for him. C*nt! You look like a fat fugly girl. C) Mo’s fell off. Yeah that was true, but fuck him anyway.”)